the humor archives

A bunch of funny extracts from letters to the Social Service

I am forwarding my marriage certificate and six children. I have seven but one died, which was baptized on half a sheet of paper.

I am writing the Welfare Department to say that my baby was born two years old. When do I get my money?

Mrs. Jones has not had any children for a year and has been visited regularly by the clergy.

I cannot get sick pay. I have six children. Can you tell me why.

This is my eighth child. What are you going to do about it?

Please for certain if my husband is dead. The man I am now living, but can't eat or do anything until he knows.

I am very much annoyed to find that you have branded my son illertarate. This is a dirty lie as I was married a week before he was born.

In answer to your letter, I have given birth to a boy weighing ten pounds. I hope this is satisfactory.

I am forwarding my marriage certificate and three children, one of which is a mistake as you can see.

My husband got his project cut off two weeks ago and I haven't had any relief since.

Unless I get my husband's money soon I will be forced to live an immoral life.

You have changed my little boy to a little girl. Will this make any difference?

I have no children as yet as my husband is a truck driver and works day and night.

In accordance with your instructions I have given birth to twins in the enclosed envelope.

I want my money as quick as I can get it. I've been in bed with the doctor for two weeks and he doesn't do me any good. If things don't change, I will have to send for another doctor.

Please tell me what feminine hygene is because I think I have it.

tags: children forms hygiene papers poverty republican too many children welfare