the humor archives

A selection of short jokes about drinking

* Every New Year's you hear so much about the "evils of drink".
I agree -- there's only one thing worse than drink -- thirst.
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* Remember, an alcoholic & a drunk are not the same thing at all.
The alcoholic has to attend meetings.
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* Two drunks saw a guy siphoning gas from a car. The one said to
the other, "I hope I never get THAT thirsty."
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* I know one fellow who drinks so much, I figure he's about two or
three thousand swallows ahead of Capistrano.
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* Contrary to what people say, you can indeed drink to relax.
Of course sometimes, you get so calm, you can't move.
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* Ever hear the expression "hard drinker" ? Never made much sense
to me, drinking's one of the easiest things in the world to do.
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* They say drinking is inherited. I was never convinced 'til I
saw a baptism with water, followed by a Vodka Collins chaser.
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* Mrs JimJr insisted I stop drinking this New Year's Eve at about
11:00. We were dancing and she said she could hear me sloshing.
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* Personally, I think the health benefits of alcohol have been
overlooked. With all this emphasis on grain intake, you'd think
it'd be good for ya in liquid form as well.

tags: drinking one liners