the humor archives

Come backs to crap chat up lines

Pick-up lines heard round the world and what you could say back to them

I know how to please a woman.
Then please leave me alone.

I want to give myself to you.
Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.

May I see you pretty soon?
Don't you think I'm pretty now?

Your hair color is fabulous.
Thank you. It's on aisle three at the corner drug store.

You look like a dream.
Go back to sleep.

I can tell that you want me.
Yes, I want you to leave.

Hey, baby, what's your sign?
Do not enter.
or
Stop.

I'd go through anything for you.
Let's start with your bank account.

May I have the last dance?
You've just had it.

I would go to the end of the world for you.
Yes, but would you stay there?

Your place or mine?
Both. You go to your place, and I'll go to mine.

Your body is like a temple.
Sorry, there are no services today.

Is this seat empty?
Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.

What's it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar?
What's it like being the biggest liar in the world?

Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.

If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
If I could see you naked, I'd die laughing.

tags: bar date lines pickup