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Funny Snippets from Conan O'Brien's monologues
A whole bunch of funny quotes
"In a recent survey, 86 percent of college fraternity members admitted that they've had at least five drinks in a row. The other 4 percent were out cold."
"Prince is selling his Beverly Hills mansion for $3.5 million. Realtors are advertising it as the house formerly owned by the artist formerly known as Prince."
"It's been reported that John Bobbitt's porno movie grossed over 10 million. I'm not sure whether that's dollars or people."
"Scientists have discovered a Chinese herb that cures alcoholism in hamsters. They're hoping that it will cut down on the number of accidents they have on that little wheel."
"That man who posed as a woman during a /2 year marriage was sentenced yesterday to a one-year jail term. Something tells me his days of acting like a woman are not quite over."
"Michael Bolton said yesterday he now wants to become an opera singer. Which is great, because now my Dad and I can hate the same kind of music."
"The price of Prozac went up 50 percent last year. When Prozac users were asked about it, they said, 'Whatever.'"
"A new study reveals that guests on daytime talk shows are predominantly female. Of course, most of them weren't born that way."
"Eighty-three percent of Britons say they forgive Princess Di for her infidelity. Apparently, the other 7 percent have never gotten a good look at Prince Charles."
"Computer genius and billionaire Bill Gates' wife is pregnant. Gates explained, 'Don't let the name Microsoft fool you.'"
"Prince is selling his Beverly Hills mansion for $3.5 million. Realtors are advertising it as the house formerly owned by the artist formerly known as Prince."
"It's been reported that John Bobbitt's porno movie grossed over 10 million. I'm not sure whether that's dollars or people."
"Scientists have discovered a Chinese herb that cures alcoholism in hamsters. They're hoping that it will cut down on the number of accidents they have on that little wheel."
"That man who posed as a woman during a /2 year marriage was sentenced yesterday to a one-year jail term. Something tells me his days of acting like a woman are not quite over."
"Michael Bolton said yesterday he now wants to become an opera singer. Which is great, because now my Dad and I can hate the same kind of music."
"The price of Prozac went up 50 percent last year. When Prozac users were asked about it, they said, 'Whatever.'"
"A new study reveals that guests on daytime talk shows are predominantly female. Of course, most of them weren't born that way."
"Eighty-three percent of Britons say they forgive Princess Di for her infidelity. Apparently, the other 7 percent have never gotten a good look at Prince Charles."
"Computer genius and billionaire Bill Gates' wife is pregnant. Gates explained, 'Don't let the name Microsoft fool you.'"
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