0
Crackers and Cream
A long joke but definitely worth a read
Many years ago, there was a nice young man named George. More than anything else in life, George loved the trolley cars of San Francisco. He went through the training and became a trolley car conductor. He was in heaven. Everyone loved George, his co-workers, his supervisors and bosses, the kids, his passengers, everyone.
One day while driving his trolley, a car was hit by George’s trolley. The owner, a San Francisco blue blood, was incensed at the damaged caused by George’s trolley and sued the company. The man won the lawsuit, but paying the cost of the lawsuit and the damages caused the small company to go out of business. Poor George was out of a job that he loved. What was he to do?
George found work at another trolley car company. George’s references were impeccable and many of the people in the other company knew or knew of George, so he got another job. Once again, George was in heaven. After several years of perfect attendance and perfect conductoring, George got another blemish on his record. A visiting movie star was in town to hype a movie she hoped would rekindle a fading career. Suddenly, her small dog broke free from its owner’s leash and ran out into the street in front of George’s trolley. George hit the brakes, but trolley cars do not stop quickly. George hit and killed the poor little critter. George was devastated. He also lost another job when the movie star saw a chance to get her name in the headlines by suing the trolley company for George’s "negligence". Although the company won the lawsuit, the board of director’s decided that they did not want to take a chance on George’s luck running out again while in their employ. Once again he was out of a job.
Fortunately, San Francisco had several trolley companies and soon George had another job. For ten years George was always at work on time, making many friends throughout the city. But, once again disaster struck poor George. The car of a foreign ambassador ran a red light one day and, as luck would have it, George’s trolley car hit the vehicle, killing the diplomat. The foreign power was outraged and demanded that George be punished for his crime. George had the support of his company, but the pressure of the government resulted in his being found guilty of manslaughter and sentenced to die in California’s electric chair. And so, George went off to prison. He never complained. He figured he had lived his dream throughout most of his life and if he couldn’t drive a trolley car, death was the next best thing. But his personality never changed. Everyone at the prison liked George, the guards, the warden, even the other prisoners.
Finally the day came. The evening before the warden came personally to say good-bye to George and ask for his last meal request. George asked what was on the menu. The warden said he could have anything he wanted. George thought for a moment and said, “If I can have anything I want for my last meal, I would like to have a large bowl of vanilla ice cream and some graham crackers.”
Although this seemed a strange request, the warden saw to it that George got his wish. George got the biggest bowl of vanilla ice cream he had ever seen along with an entire box of graham crackers. George went to sleep that night a very contented man. The next morning, George was taken from his cell and walked down Death Row to the waiting chair. He was strapped in and displaying no emotion said good-bye to the observers. The switch was thrown and . . . nothing. The chair had failed. This was amazing, the chair never failed.
George was unstrapped and returned to his cell. The other inmates cheered his good fortune. George’s appointment with the chair was rescheduled for the following week. In the meantime, workers began checking out the chair to locate the problem. They checked and rechecked, but found nothing inoperative.
The night before his execution, the warden again came to say good-bye to George. Once again, he was asked for his last meal request. Once again, George replied, “If I can have anything I want for my last meal, I would like to have a large bowl of vanilla ice cream and some graham crackers.” Once again, George received a huge bowl of vanilla ice cream and a box of graham crackers for his final meal. Except for his pending date with the electric chair, George felt about as happy as any man on earth. Morning broke, and George was once again led down the corridor to the chair. Again, all of the prisoners on Death Row stood at their cell doors to say good-bye to this well-liked man. He was strapped tightly into the chair and sat stoically while preparations were completed. The switch was thrown and once again, nothing happened. This was amazing! George was unstrapped and once again led back to his cell. His execution was now rescheduled for a month later.
In the meantime, the prison ordered and received a new electric chair. The chair was tested and retested. Everything worked as it was supposed to work. The wiring in the building was replaced with new. Finally, all was ready for George. Once again, the warden came calling the night before his slated execution. He said his good-byes and asked for George’s last meal request. And again, George replied, “If I can have anything I want for my last meal, I would like to have a large bowl of vanilla ice cream and some graham crackers.” Again, George received a huge bowl of vanilla ice cream and a box of graham crackers.
The next morning all went as before. George was led down the corridor saying good-bye to all of his friends in the prison Death Row, the guards and the other prisoners. George was strapped into the chair and waved good-bye with his fingers to the witnesses. The switch was thrown and, wonder of wonders, the chair failed! When George was led out of the execution chamber, the people present went crazy. Everyone cheered because they knew that according to the law at the time, if it was attempted to execute a prisoner three times, and each attempt failed, it was considered an ‘Act of God,’ and the prisoner was released.
After collecting his belongings George was headed for the prison gate to resume his life. Maybe, he thought he might be able to drive a trolley car again. At the gate, the warden asked George, “I have to know, why did you always choose vanilla ice cream and graham crackers for your last meal? Other prisoners try to come up with elaborate menus in the hope that it will delay their execution while the foods are prepared.”
George simply said, “When I was growing up, our family was poor. We never had dessert with our meals; often we didn’t have meals. Ice cream was always my favorite treat, especially vanilla. When you told me I could have anything I wanted for my meal, I could not think of anything better than vanilla ice cream. The graham crackers were just something to go with the ice cream.”
“But why,” asked the incredulous warden, “did the chair fail when we threw the switch? That chair worked perfectly before your execution and after. Why do you think it wouldn’t work when we had you in it? We even replaced it with a new one. Why?”
George thought about it for a moment and then replied, “Well, I’ve always been a bad conductor.”
One day while driving his trolley, a car was hit by George’s trolley. The owner, a San Francisco blue blood, was incensed at the damaged caused by George’s trolley and sued the company. The man won the lawsuit, but paying the cost of the lawsuit and the damages caused the small company to go out of business. Poor George was out of a job that he loved. What was he to do?
George found work at another trolley car company. George’s references were impeccable and many of the people in the other company knew or knew of George, so he got another job. Once again, George was in heaven. After several years of perfect attendance and perfect conductoring, George got another blemish on his record. A visiting movie star was in town to hype a movie she hoped would rekindle a fading career. Suddenly, her small dog broke free from its owner’s leash and ran out into the street in front of George’s trolley. George hit the brakes, but trolley cars do not stop quickly. George hit and killed the poor little critter. George was devastated. He also lost another job when the movie star saw a chance to get her name in the headlines by suing the trolley company for George’s "negligence". Although the company won the lawsuit, the board of director’s decided that they did not want to take a chance on George’s luck running out again while in their employ. Once again he was out of a job.
Fortunately, San Francisco had several trolley companies and soon George had another job. For ten years George was always at work on time, making many friends throughout the city. But, once again disaster struck poor George. The car of a foreign ambassador ran a red light one day and, as luck would have it, George’s trolley car hit the vehicle, killing the diplomat. The foreign power was outraged and demanded that George be punished for his crime. George had the support of his company, but the pressure of the government resulted in his being found guilty of manslaughter and sentenced to die in California’s electric chair. And so, George went off to prison. He never complained. He figured he had lived his dream throughout most of his life and if he couldn’t drive a trolley car, death was the next best thing. But his personality never changed. Everyone at the prison liked George, the guards, the warden, even the other prisoners.
Finally the day came. The evening before the warden came personally to say good-bye to George and ask for his last meal request. George asked what was on the menu. The warden said he could have anything he wanted. George thought for a moment and said, “If I can have anything I want for my last meal, I would like to have a large bowl of vanilla ice cream and some graham crackers.”
Although this seemed a strange request, the warden saw to it that George got his wish. George got the biggest bowl of vanilla ice cream he had ever seen along with an entire box of graham crackers. George went to sleep that night a very contented man. The next morning, George was taken from his cell and walked down Death Row to the waiting chair. He was strapped in and displaying no emotion said good-bye to the observers. The switch was thrown and . . . nothing. The chair had failed. This was amazing, the chair never failed.
George was unstrapped and returned to his cell. The other inmates cheered his good fortune. George’s appointment with the chair was rescheduled for the following week. In the meantime, workers began checking out the chair to locate the problem. They checked and rechecked, but found nothing inoperative.
The night before his execution, the warden again came to say good-bye to George. Once again, he was asked for his last meal request. Once again, George replied, “If I can have anything I want for my last meal, I would like to have a large bowl of vanilla ice cream and some graham crackers.” Once again, George received a huge bowl of vanilla ice cream and a box of graham crackers for his final meal. Except for his pending date with the electric chair, George felt about as happy as any man on earth. Morning broke, and George was once again led down the corridor to the chair. Again, all of the prisoners on Death Row stood at their cell doors to say good-bye to this well-liked man. He was strapped tightly into the chair and sat stoically while preparations were completed. The switch was thrown and once again, nothing happened. This was amazing! George was unstrapped and once again led back to his cell. His execution was now rescheduled for a month later.
In the meantime, the prison ordered and received a new electric chair. The chair was tested and retested. Everything worked as it was supposed to work. The wiring in the building was replaced with new. Finally, all was ready for George. Once again, the warden came calling the night before his slated execution. He said his good-byes and asked for George’s last meal request. And again, George replied, “If I can have anything I want for my last meal, I would like to have a large bowl of vanilla ice cream and some graham crackers.” Again, George received a huge bowl of vanilla ice cream and a box of graham crackers.
The next morning all went as before. George was led down the corridor saying good-bye to all of his friends in the prison Death Row, the guards and the other prisoners. George was strapped into the chair and waved good-bye with his fingers to the witnesses. The switch was thrown and, wonder of wonders, the chair failed! When George was led out of the execution chamber, the people present went crazy. Everyone cheered because they knew that according to the law at the time, if it was attempted to execute a prisoner three times, and each attempt failed, it was considered an ‘Act of God,’ and the prisoner was released.
After collecting his belongings George was headed for the prison gate to resume his life. Maybe, he thought he might be able to drive a trolley car again. At the gate, the warden asked George, “I have to know, why did you always choose vanilla ice cream and graham crackers for your last meal? Other prisoners try to come up with elaborate menus in the hope that it will delay their execution while the foods are prepared.”
George simply said, “When I was growing up, our family was poor. We never had dessert with our meals; often we didn’t have meals. Ice cream was always my favorite treat, especially vanilla. When you told me I could have anything I wanted for my meal, I could not think of anything better than vanilla ice cream. The graham crackers were just something to go with the ice cream.”
“But why,” asked the incredulous warden, “did the chair fail when we threw the switch? That chair worked perfectly before your execution and after. Why do you think it wouldn’t work when we had you in it? We even replaced it with a new one. Why?”
George thought about it for a moment and then replied, “Well, I’ve always been a bad conductor.”
Comments
You need to register to comment.